You Know You're a Degenerate Gambler When...

...you're up at 5am and wondering if there's any sporting events going on right now that you could possibly bet on. Thankfully, you remember there's this thing called the Olympics going on half way around the world so you log on to your online sportsbook to check the lines on any events going on and realize there's a Women's Soccer match about to start between USA and Japan. You decide to put your whole bankroll on the line on said match since you're steaming from earlier in the week when your 13 game Olympic parlay lost because of one Andy Murray who couldn't fucking beat an unknown Taiwanese tennis player providing the biggest olympic tennis upset of the last few years. A -2500 favorite fucks up a 13 game parlay. Nice

So, anyway you end up taking the USA as -200 moneyline favorites despite the fact that you probably can't even name a single player on either squad. The match starts and you begin to sweat it out because despite the commentator's remarks that USA is a big favorite in the match because they have never lost to Japan in 21 previous tries, you notice that the Japanese have complete control of the match trough out the first 15 mintues and USA can't generate anything up front. Then it happens, Japan scores a goal. Not a pretty one either, just a lost ball that everyone scrambles for in the box but no defender can get to and suddenly it's Japan-1 USA-0.

Then you begin to tell yourself what a moron you are for having put yourself in this position. You could have tried to grind what little was left of your bankroll, the good old Paper Chaser way, with patience and bankroll management. But you fucked up and now there's nothing left to do but hope these females have it in them to make a comeback. They immediately begin to play smarter soccer and thankfully don't go into panic mode being down 1-0. They have good wing approach and it's in one of these sideline runs that they manage to score the equalizer 5 minutes before halftime. You want to scream in joy but realize it's early in the morning and everyone in the house is sleeping.

You begin to feel a little better about the pick and better turns into fantastic when another goal hits the back of the Japanese net just before halftime putting the USA up 2-1. This time you don't care if you wake up the entire neighborhood. You break out a scream in celebration while at the same time you first begin to notice just how good these USA girls look in soccer shorts. Damn if only WNBA girls looked this good, you could begin to wager on those games as well.

By halftime it's 7:00 am and your mom is awake probably a byproduct of your joyous second goal celebration. She asks what you're doing up so early. Ha! Right, like you ever went to sleep.

The second half is oh so sweet as USA take complete control of the match and manage to add two more goals. Those type of goals that the scorer will always tell you were meant as shots on goal but really you know they were center passes that were so bad that they turned into a goal. Hey, whatever, you're not complaining.

The final whistle blows with a score of USA 4 Japan 1.

It's 10:00 am and you're finally ready to call it a night..err day and need some sleep since you've got to be at work in 4 hours. You're feeling happy and relived that your compulsive bet didn't break your bankroll and promise yourself you won't make those kinds of bets anymore.

Yet deep inside as you wonder off to sleep, you know you'll probably do it all over again tomorrow.


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